What to do when fare inspectors gets on your MAX

  1. Get a sinking feeling in your stomach as you realize that they are there.
    1. Have a moment of panic as you dig for your monthly or annual TriMet pass.
    2. Have big panic moment as you hope that your transfer ticket is valid and not torn up or ruined.
    1. Aafter finding your valid TriMet ticket/pass, relax and wait for the fare inspector to get to you (warily watching him as he approaches is optional).
    2. Have a complete mental freak out when you find that your transfer is not valid (torn up, expired, etc.) or you were just an idiot who never purchased a fare in the first place (these people especially deserve the fine).
  2. Fare inspector creeps closer (people without a fare should beware)!
  3. People without a valid fare can either…
    1. Make a mad dash for the open MAX train doors and hope you make it without a fare inspector stopping you (or the doors closing and trapping you inside the metal box). If the MAX train doors have already closed, refer to the other options below.
    2. Sit in your seat doing nothing to avoid the fare inspector, just hoping he/she doesn’t see you and give you a fine, then kick you off the MAX train.
    3. Quietly slip back over to the other end of the train (the one that the inspector has already checked all the fares on — this is very important) and attempt to blend in, hoping the inspector doesn’t notice your movement.
    4. Sit in your seat, convinced you’re invisible to the fare inspector.
    5. Beg others around you out of hope that one of them will give you a valid fare (but don’t get your hopes up, because this is very unlikely and, additionally, will bring attention from the fare inspector.
    6. Arrogantly sit in your seat doing nothing to avoid the inspector because you are convinced that the inspector couldn’t possibly fine you because you’re better than one of those people who get fined on TriMet for not having a fare.
    7. Wait for the fare inspector to come by and then beg him dear mercy not to ticket you. When he asks why, plead, saying “this is the first time I’ve ever ridden TriMet without a valid fare and it won’t happen again.”
    8. Sit and wait to for the fare inspector to come fine you.
  4. When the fare inspector gets to you . . .

    Option A: People who chose this option often have it go this way: Yes! Freedom! No fine for me! (a few moments later) Aw crap, there’s a fare inspector. Then they get fined. Or they’ll get caught before even leaving the train, get fined, and then kicked off the train.

    Option B: Get ticketed! Too bad, the fare inspector saw you . . . I guess he won the game of hide and seek.

    Option C: Well this didn’t work. It might’ve worked better had you not ended up walking smack dab into the fare inspector as you were trying to sneak to the other end of the MAX train. When the fare inspector asked, insisting that your fare was already checked and you don’t need to show it ‘again’ to him, didn’t work very well . . . annnnddd you got fined.

    Option D: You’re dumbfounded that the fare inspector actually saw you and fined you. How the heck was he able to see an invisible person?! He must have superpowers!

    Option E: You see black shoes next to you. Dammit– the fare inspector. The ruckus you made drew him immediately to you and he ticketed you, and then kicked you off the train. Great.

    Option F: How could that fare inspector do that? How could he fine you? Doesn’t he know who you are?! As you commence a hissy fit over getting fined . . . then kicked off the train.

    Option G: This option granted you the chance to get laughed at by the fare inspector because he has heard this excuse so many times over that he/she just gets even more joy by fining you – then you throw a hissy fit and get kicked off the train. Too bad.

    Option H: Just like every single other time, this, along with essentially every other option, didn’t get you anywhere but with a big fat fine in your hand.

  5. Fare inspectors have now disembarked from the MAX train, their hunt complete. After looking around, it is found that the train was 15+ people lighter. Sweet justice.

By Adri C, blogger at Portland’s Transit Antics and Other Stuff, @PDXtrimetrider on Twitter!

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One Response to What to do when fare inspectors gets on your MAX

  1. Kyle says:

    My brother said he feigned spastic symptoms of someone with cerebral palsy to have fare inspectors leave him alone.. haha.

    Then again, those Rent-A-Cops don’t have any real authority. You can just walk away & tell him to go fuck themselves.

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