Shitsplosion at the Lloyd Center Macy’s – by Dr. Something

An excerpt:

Should not have eaten spurious leftovers,
But that’s hard to remedy now
I caught the westbound MAX at an inopportune time,
And now I’d better think fast lest I shit my pants

By the inimitable Dr. Something!

Posted in MAX, Music | 1 Comment

TriMet Mind Tricks

This story was submitted anonymously – no one wants to be known as a fare dodger!

There was the time I got away with riding the MAX without paying, by using Jedi mind tricks on a transit policeman.

Now before I start, I have to make the usual disclaimers about how I believe in law and order, I always pay my fare, “I am one of you” and so forth. Which is all true. It was quite an accident by which I found myself sitting blithely on a train without the proper comprobante de pago/boleto validado.

Continue reading

Posted in MAX, Transit Tips | Comments Off on TriMet Mind Tricks

The Unwelcome Rider

Spiders!  Araneus angulatusThe #35 was standing room only when two gentlemen, locked in conversation, boarded and stood in front of me at the front of the bus. The one closer to me had a messenger bag over his shoulder and as he adjusted it to accommodate the other standing riders, I saw a small spider clinging to the strap by his shoulder.

I wanted to alert him about his tiny stowaway, but even at a safe distance, peoples’ reactions to spiders run the gamut from indifference to utter panic, and the curve skews heavily to the latter when the spider is identified as ON the person. Blurting, “Dude, you have a spider on you!” seemed like the least effective way to handle it, so I kept an eye on the tiny creature while I waited for an opportunity to interrupt him.

Continue reading

Posted in Bus | 2 Comments

MAX Orange Line Picnic and Fireworks Spectacular!

Tilikum Crossing

Celebrate the impending opening of the new MAX line and Tilikum Crossing at TriMet’s MAX Orange Line Picnic and Fireworks Spectacular on Saturday, 22 August 2015 at Zidell Yards (3030 SW Moody Ave.).

Read more at Dave Knows Portland!

Posted in 35, From the editor, MAX, Orange Line, Streetcar | Comments Off on MAX Orange Line Picnic and Fireworks Spectacular!

In Heat

I’ve never seen him, but he’s clearly smitten with her. She’s one of our regulars, and it’s the first time I’ve seen her on the #35 with a boy in tow – his exuberant, minor-league groping invites “boy” as the descriptor despite them both looking like they’re in their twenties – and this afternoon anomaly coupled with his cartoonish inability to keep his hands to himself suggests he recently sampled the sweetness of her skin for the first time and he’s eager for another taste. He doesn’t know the bus route, can’t count the stops until their destination, and despite several deliberate efforts to control himself, his hands barely sit still for a three-block stretch before he’s stroking her forearm with the back of his finger or brushing the pale green fabric that gift-wraps her thighs.

Continue reading

Posted in 35 | 1 Comment